Why Should I Forgive?

“My forgiveness journey”

Forgiveness can be defined differently, but the standard dictionary defines it as “a decision not to pursue resentment, retribution, or revenge.

Since my childhood, I have been struggling with forgiveness, until I met a priest friend who actually taught me the essence to forgive, which I find it important to share with you today.

My desire was to know more about forgiveness so I embarked on forgiveness research. This is where I discovered that there are two types of forgiveness, the unilateral and bilateral.

Always forgive and forget.

Bilateral forgiveness also called conditional forgiveness is the one that most people think of when they hear the word forgiveness. This is where one renders forgiveness in exchange for an apology or other demonstration of remorse. It plays an important role in rebuilding a relationship.

Some believe forgiveness shows weakness, however;

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong

In some instances, bilateral forgiveness might not work, especially when the other person/party is not available, or refuses to apologize or acknowledge any responsibility for causing harm. Sometimes the other person may no longer be available or alive.

On the other hand, unilateral forgiveness is unconditional. This is the kind of forgiveness that is always and should be available to us, regardless of whether the other person apologizes, shows remorse or not.  It requires nothing from the other person.  And, unilateral forgiveness is not done for the other person’s benefit. It is a process done solely for one’s own benefit.

When was the last time you truly, deeply forgave someone?

This type of forgiveness (unilateral forgiveness) is what Rev.Fr Kevin Kongowea insisted that I (including you) should practice day to day life. According to him, there is peace in forgiveness.

He says, “When you let go of resentments you bring Life back into your life”.

According to him, when you forgive, you free yourself from pain, suffering, and everything that holds your life back. Fr Kongowea adds that:

• When you forgive, you take back your Power.

Events of the past are of the past and the past is where they belong. What people did or didn’t do to you back then, is now just a memory and a memory is can never be as powerful as your present.

After forgiveness you no longer give power over you to anything or anyone – not even your painful memories.

• letting go of resentments, makes you heal 

It does not matter what others did to you, or how life treated you. All that matters is how you choose to respond to the dark situations and painful moments that come your way.

When you decide to embrace a forgiving attitude and let go of resentments, you make peace with the past and you heal your future.

Letting go of resentments enables you to realize that no one is perfect

• Forgiveness leads to peace of mind.

Just as the sun does not turn dark because the clouds are passing by, is the same way, we should not turn bitter just because so many people are. Nor should we lose our inner peace just because the world seems to have no peace.

Forgetting the painful moments of the past and letting go of all that no longer serves you, you prove to yourself that your peace of mind is more important getting even and being right.

• Letting  go of resentments enables you to realize that no one is perfect

There is no such thing as a perfect human being. To be human is to make mistakes to hurt and get hurt. It is part of our humanity.

When you truly understand this, you can’t help but forgive everyone for being human (including yourself), for their mistakes and ignorance.

When was the last time you truly, deeply forgave someone?